I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Randomize
