i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Someone signed my nipple.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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