Farmville is her only friend.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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