Having a random hookup so left but love u
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize