Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
