i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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