Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
