The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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