Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
