its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
