Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
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