I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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