i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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