Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
