i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize