He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
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