The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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