even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
