I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
