He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
