I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
