i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
