Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize