He asked me if I "almost moaned"
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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