I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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