She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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