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i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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