we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
