As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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