its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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