i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
