I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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