Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
