3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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