I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Who died my cat blue again?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
