haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
