Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
