he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
now i know why i became what i already was.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
