He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
