I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
