It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
