It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
