tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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