Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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