Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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