just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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