Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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