Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize