he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
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