So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
