Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
A bitchslap is in order.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
