I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
