when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
