why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
