walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
