I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
