I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
