i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
