On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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