She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize