I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
