Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I will pee on everything he values.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
