i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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