No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
