How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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