Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
