Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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