I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
