He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
