I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
