You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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