I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize