Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
