I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize