the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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