My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
